it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Randomize
