I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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