I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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