That's when you crack a 10am beer
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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