plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
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today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
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I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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