why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
