the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
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