your room smells of hookers.
And success
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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