if only i could text you this smell
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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