it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
