Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
