one two three fourrrrnication!
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
