So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
ok first of all what the fuck
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
