It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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