Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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