not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Randomize
