How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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