hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
