Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
