It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
