**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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