This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
home. puking in laundry basket.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
