This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Randomize
