I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
