i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Randomize