Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
