You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Randomize
