You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
