This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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