I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Randomize
