either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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