Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
