you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
