it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
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Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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