I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
