I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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