I think I died a long time ago.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
