I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
she woke up with a sticky ear
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
