I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
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