just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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