Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
