He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize
