Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
