My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
