I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
