The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
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