I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
So much rum. So many feels.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Randomize
