okay pat passed out under dana's car
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Randomize
