You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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