did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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