Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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