So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
honey bunches of taint.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
