K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
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