I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
