I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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