how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
