I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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