Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
