ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
