16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
