Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
