I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
