just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Randomize
