i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
