did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
