No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize